- How to "survive" camping at 35 weeks pregnant. -

       

           Over the long weekend my family and I decided to do some deep mountain camping. In a tent. In the middle of nowhere. Yes, we are still one of the few families that tent with a kid. We have no desire to buy a trailer, tent trailer or any of those fancy things, And Zoe loves it!! We asked her what she wanted to do for a "big family vacation" as our family will be growing by 1 soon and it won't just be the 3 of us.  Zoe replied to that question with the exact words "I want to sleep in a tent and go fishing" THANK GOD she forgot about those Disneyland commercials cause camping is EASY. Sort of. 35 weeks pregnant and we trekked off for our big mountain adventure full of hiking, fishing and exploring. Here are some of the things I learned along the way that may come in handy in case you ever decide you want to be a crazy person and go 100 km from the nearest town & service area WHILE you are cooking a live one in that belly.

1) BUSH PEE.
           I did NOT think this one through. Not one bit. The reason we tent is because we like to go to areas that are not maintained by a park ranger. We like to explore a spot, and if we find somewhere to pitch a tent then that is where we sleep. So obviously NO OUTHOUSES. (if you are one of those that have a trailer, then you will never run into this problem) Do you know how hard it is to squat in the middle of the bush, while trying not to get pee on you? Try that, but with a big giant belly making you completely off balance. My advice is to find a tree you can hold onto. You might get stuck and you MAY need assistance from your significant other - but that's what husbands are for. Right? LUCKILY, my husband is quite the gem and he found a user maintained spot, completely empty with a fricken outhouse! Right in the middle of the forest there was a fricken outhouse!!!!!!!

2) COFFEE
           With my first pregnancy I stayed away from caffeine completely, but this time around there was just no way I would survive the day without killing someone/something with just a little bit of coffee.
   You know what they don't have in the middle of the forest? A microwave. So sit the F@#% down and drink it while its hot, cause you are not going to be able to reheat that one cup of coffee 20 bajillion times in the 2 hours it takes to drink it in the comfort of your own home. So what if your child is running through a probably cougar infested field, just drink that warm coffee.

3) A WORKING AIR MATTRESS
           Now i know what you are thinking. "You went camping and didn't even check to see if your air mattress was working? Wow, you're dumb." K but, we did. We spent an entire afternoon spraying stupid amounts of soapy water on the stupid thing and patching up the teeeeeeeeeny tiny little holes we did find.  Little did we know, our $50 Walmart special is a total piece of shit after 3 years of heavily camping. So, lesson learned. Don't buy that sort of stuff at Walmart. Just don't do it.
  Pregnant or not, anyone would have hated the sleep we had the first night. (unless you are Zoe, who woke up saying how AWESOME her sleep was) If your husband is as handy as mine is then they will go out in that forest and find PILES of moss. Comfy, and pillow-y piles of moss. He will then lay it down all evenly and place the tent over top of the moss bed. Voi-la ! Natures air mattress.

4) FOOD
             Food. The most important thing to a pregnant women other then kegels. Make sure you are loaded on the foods you have been craving. Unfortunately, there is no 7-11 in the mountains.
   I had the WORST craving for a slushee almost the ENTIRE time we were out there. Damn you, sugar & chemical laced slush. Damn you.

5) DON'T FORGET SOME FACE WASH
      It's one thing to feel like a cow/whale/hippo/bear/horse/etc. but it's another to feel ALL of those and grungy from being "one with the great outdoors".
   I forgot my face wash. So, i felt all kinds of beautiful out there. Luckily, I remembered my tooth brush so my teeth were totally rockin' some confidence.

6) FIGURE OUT HOW MANY TIPS YOU WERE GOING TO DO
        uhhhhhh, yeah. 5 tips are good, right??

7) NOPE, REMEMBERED ONE MORE
             Look at me go!!! The 7th tip on surviving some rough camping at 35 weeks pregnant is..........DON'T DO IT. Buy yourself a package at the spa and send your family off in the woods. They will probably be happier about it and believe me when I say YOU will be happier about it! As much as I love how my family has a love for being out in the mountains and the memories we make with Zoe doing those sort of things with her..... I am kicking myself in the ass for not having a spa weekend. Literally.

Billey, out.            (that sounds so much better when Ryan Seacrest does it)